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In this context, I learned a lot. I also learned that sometimes it is the continual distazione of us adults to children, day after day to create conditions that enhance their own ability to listen, reflect, be careful. The lives we lead, leads us in fact, to have always in a hurry, think of having to do everything at once, just like me, who sometimes believe they can tell my anguished life in an hour. Many of us parents, especially us mothers, we can be attacked and affected by performance anxiety, handed down from our mothers pass on to children, we would like to perfect, and instead are like this, as they are, with lora character, their history, their location, their impulsiveness . I realized that this was primarily a problem of mine, linked to my social "rudeness" as to when and to the needs of my child. Its activities were more divided than I really exposed him to the risk of becoming even more careless, but the concentration was good that was achieved. First, I had to make the little initiative and determination in his own business without too much interference. In this case, the specific drugs not served, served only to listen carefully re-education. Sometimes the drugs, especially those not suitable to the case, can cause irreparable damage, or states of agitation without precedent. And now I realized that this was part of what had happened to my Raffa. These were the years of my depth and careful study, my study "mad and desperate." I had, I wanted to learn, know how to really be his help. Only through knowledge, I would be able to trace, to break my chains and see the light. The light of wisdom and the right way to act. As a parent I try to create time and space on and dedicated to thoughts and emotions of my baby, trying to get in touch with his world, his feelings, his way of thinking and responding to certain situations, to try to guess how to defend it. Obvious that the family situation, articulate, filled with some ongoing conflicts, the changes in lifestyle, he had created in him a great suffering. Suffering that should not be underestimated. Raffa six years, had not found a way to get out of if, if not turning into anger, unrest and turmoil, all the confusion he felt. The inability to establish an ongoing relationship and satisfaction with a male figure, with his father, resulting in heavy air you breathe at home, the arguments for existence entirely fragmented and contradictory, had created in his torment, moral distress, killing of the already low self-esteem. He had an enormous thirst for be approved, welcome, reassured. So to "hear his voice, his cry of despair, refused to be a" good boy ". It was his challenge: the challenge to the school, family, society, to see if it was approved for what it was. Its primary need was not to identify with a child who had "something wrong", on the contrary had an extreme need to be guided when wrong, without being humiliated or subjected to comparisons or comparisons, so it disappeared from his thought the idea of \u200b\u200bworthlessness, of being bad, an impediment for adutlti. When a boy begins to outline the idea of \u200b\u200bbeing a mistake, an evil, a being uncomfortable, as it is captivating to him, unless we show them that it is not, will do everything to become real. That was my main task and specific: Raffaele help you to discover new solutions, to let him know that he was acting this way because it was harmful or not suitable, which was often emphasized and inculcated by their grandparents, but only because he suffered and was a bit 'angry. Only the medicine of confidence, consistency, restoration of communication, would allow Raffa to begin to understand and manage pious plan, their emotions, their movements of the soul. The journey was long, tortuous no doubt, but together we could make it. This puppy, who had already knocked on the doors of countless doctors and hospitals in Italy, was now known that at school, as well as at home, could there be a time and a place where he could be free to speak, outside himself and the evil within her, her frustrations. Free to learn to manage his moods and combat, as he said those were the "bad dragon" that made him so rude and unmanageable.

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Raffaele suffered greatly from the disease and the consequent removal from his grandmother. On the other hand had interacted and lived together for a long time. Hardly adapting to life with me at his house, which actually now do not even perceive it as such. The brother was seen by him as an intruder, a small intrusive asserting itself in its games and solitary appropriated its things. He and I, despite being mother and son were almost strangers, challenged me, provoked me often not internalized orders and rules that tried desperately to give him. I felt defeated, I thought that I would not have ever done to regain his confidence, his love, his respect. How could I explain to a child even six years that I had deserted him? thing I knew, I felt that he thought I did. Until something happened.
"Madam, this child is to institutionalize, I believe that given his situation,
This benefits you and the rest of the family. "" also consider the fact that his mother's health is seriously compromised ... all alone as he will? "This statement hard and sharp, came from one who professed to be, and was considered an authoritative medical, and scholars of child neuropsychiatry at the Institute G. Gaslini in Genoa. I had gone from her confident, I thought it was the best person to enlighten me, and instead no, rushed into the deepest despair. Him. ... Raffa in my school ... but how could I? I could not even imagine how it could be possible to implement a similar solution. as if the children were "things" and as if we had the right to decide whether to keep or store them, hide them, to satisfy our selfishness, or the simple need to hide the company someone who "came not just good," just because a different, distant from the cliche. Needless to say, this suggestion was quickly shelved by me, in fact I was actually shocked, not even taken into account. My mother, given his condition, was almost a perfect solution: in this way I would only deal with Luciano, Raffa was in good hands, you are free from commitments and burdens too heavy, and peace would be so returned. But I had two kids! And this was part of reality. Discovered in this chance that the real joy, not only had to love "u healthy child", but rather to give me the opportunity to love and take care of my children equally as diverse. And learn in a natural way to relate with them, to deal with them. Before this happen daunting episode, I had always lived with the terrible fear of force myself, I knew that all I have contradicted or pointed the finger at, because by now I was left confined to a secondary role of semi-mom. But now I was qualified to Raffa world. He was giving me the key to being able to finally find the courage to explode. Although on this occasion no one understood anything, I picked up what was left of my courage and my pride and finally decide to me and for me. I decided it was time to look ahead, and I would have come forward now, in spite of everything and everyone. I was sure that my son was in love for himself, for others, and the world, which was founded with its merits and its flaws. I knew that he loved, and amva even people who, when watching him, put his thoughts into action "over the top", look the other way, shaking his head. He also loved to be able to decide who assumed that many of their rights and their needs would not even have existed. Yes, he loved. Just more than all those who thought they were perfect and scholars, could really do. We now we really have something in common, a base from which to find ourselves: a dream. Our dream. To be able to share a project, a smile. A true smile that could light up every day.

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remember the time when she entered the operating room, the tears of my father, I smoked too many cigarettes during the six hours of waiting and then finally the response. The tumor was not one, but two, and then a little later than six months unless complications should be operated again to remove the second abnormal mass, which was on the right kidney. Was discharged after ten days, appeared pale and debilitated in body and terribly fragile. I did not see in her now more than oppressive figure that crushed me and wanted me to forge at all costs in his own image and likeness. In front of me was a small woman and in need of help. He stood in a corner of quiet and thoughtful, he spoke in a faint voice and made it hard to move. One month after his speech Raffa was again admitted to the department of neuropsychiatry Gaslini hospital in Genoa. This time the proceedings were acts of violence and self-directed. An ordeal that lasted a month, then at the end to stay on the formula issued by the Stella Maris Foundation. He was prescribed an antipsychotic, which would have at least contain the outbursts of anger and extreme vehemence and euforia.Un term "black". Darker than the rest of my troubled life.