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Memorial F. Ferraro


culmination of some stages of the Memorial Prof.F.Ferraro 7th edition.

A day to remember the professor who has dedicated his life to the sport, a man who as a player, referee and then, and even special commissioner and still responsible provincial FIP want to leave a sign for us all, and especially today, confirming the value that sport plays especially in times when it seems that the companies' think about anything but sports.

A day characterized by the presence of so many mini riders from all over Sicily, with contests and games for children from six years up to the game with local boys who played in C2. A PalaFerraro full of people who liked all the proposals in the planning stages, with some interest and excitement when our school children minibasket Roncalli have played on the field in a series of exercises, even managing to show some stages of one against a . The basketball world and you ' close as you can see from the photos around the Ferrari family. Also came the calls of the society 'of amateurs who had to be present to thank for the invitation and promised that the next edition will be present. Thank your local

who wanted this day to remind the Professor.
Thanks to all the friends and fans that we were close.

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PGS: Party Propaganda Mini

Canicattì : Sunday, 19 December party was held the first category and Propaganda Mini Polisportive of Youth Sal

esiane, the affected area to Enna, Caltanissetta and Agrigento. A day of fun and healthy sport that has seen meet guys of their respective categories in almost all areas of the three clubs from Campobello di Licata, Canicattì who hosted the party, San Cataldo, Caltanissetta, Leonforte Pizza Armerina. The day began with the celebration of Holy Mass at the Church of Mary Help of Christians Salesian oratory adjacent Canicattì. Sucessivamente teams have been divided in various fields and from there began a mini tournament that saw clash Salesian all companies showing extraordinary technical quality but not so much a sense of pure spirit of fun contradistingue for many years that this world of sport.

For ' ASD PGS blue stars Piazza Armerina this is the first official release, the rose that fell in the field: the goalkeeper Alex Arcuri, the department consists of defensive Mario Cianciolo and Alessio Ficarra, in the end the department of attack made Matteo Alberti, Mirko Palma, Rosario Sanfilippo, Giuseppe Salerno . All this was possible thanks to the two coaches Andrea Palma and Ishmael Palumeri that Salesian jargon are called Alleducatori because their role is not to train but also to bring an education from the perspective of the spiritual and the game.

A very important role in the course of the day were the parents of athletes who have supported during all meetings.

Pgs the blue stars in Piazza Armerina conclude their day with the most full-empty as booty from their happy faces, even if he subuto defeats. says the 'coach Andrea Palma was a fantastic day based on the Salesians and the sporting spirit. our athletes grow from game to game and we hope that the next meeting we'll be lucky . And I conclude by making the whole society in a big luck. The next meeting will be held January 23 in San Cataldo.

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Our Stars



















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Mister: Andrea Palma, Ishmael Palumeri

Player: Mirko Palma, Mario Cioanciolo, Matteo Alberti, Gabriel Sella, Sella Samuel, Joseph Salerno, Ficarra Alessio, Alex Arcuri, Rosario Sanfilippo


















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Mister: Agostino Sella

Players: Richard Castagnola, Nicholas Barbera, Andrea Palma, Salvatore Prophet Ishmael Palumeri, Simone Fortunato Francesco Di Dio, William Lauria

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second victory for the blue stars mini

's right, the Blue Stars have defeated mini category for the second time the opposing team of the Sun Luna. The match was held Friday, December 17 at the gymnasium of the former-itis. Despite the very low temperature, so to be necessary if the jacket was still, minds and expressions of the players were very tense. For these young children the important thing is to participate and be happy together, but if a win comes, the better. The Basics these matches are between young loyalty, love of life and happiness ...
It starts immediately with the greeting of the audience and a prayer together in midfield. The referee blows his whistle and declared the beginning of the game. It goes on for several minutes at 0-0 but the compactness and the actions of a few pupils take the result on 0-2 for the Sun Moon. The game seems so close, but there are blue stars and win the mastery of the result before taking the field cover 1-2 and then at 2-2 seconds after the whistle the second half. Even the result is reversed and you arrive at 3-2 for the Blue Stars. The Sun and Moon reacts grabs the almost equal but alo the end comes the defeat, despite the excellent performance goalkeeper-girlfriend. Ends up, among all the hugs. It continues with training for the next game. And we will be there to cheer!

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A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

And now it's finally time to talk about this in the future. The time to talk about myself, how I have become today, the new person is born of much pain and discomfort. I have to say that "now I have explained my sails," I built a shell, hard and tough as a Ninja turtle. My hair has grown back, are long and flowing again, there are no unsightly holes and those fearful of alopecia. Physically I am a little 'put back on track, "I look like a woman! I spent it, year 2009-2010, out of breath, including work commitments, personal problems, children to follow. But thank God I was very skillful, so that it more or less efficient in everything I did. I contacted a psychologist who has helped me look inside myself, trying to figure out who I am and who I wanted to be. I confess I am still inspecting, I'm asking questions, I am giving answers. Of course! Because when you become aware of having lived for years in a context, in a world of bland, not constructive, the humic thing to do is change. I collapsed on the world, to discover, on my return from Pisa, the new attempt of deception woven by my father behind me. His first concern was not the fact that the future of his nephew, but rather as away, sneak away from everything, from scrapes, buy a new home to his country. As he told me? Well yes, making think of wanting to bring before the notary as soon as possible to give me, made out to me, the house where I live, in order to become bureaucratic and tax free to put his intentions into action. In front of my categorical refusal, it was "angry", so much so that its presence is denied to children. And then lies, deceit continues on its part, whose implementation is delegated to my mother constantly, which lends itself very willing to indulge his whims. Now, however, enough! Stop ... I'm getting job satisfaction, recognition, I'm trying to get out from anonymity. Who I want to be? exactly what they are. Proud of me, proud to have lived my life, that after I has made it richer, more real. I'm also learning to recognize true friends, I'm giving more confidence in myself, my abilities, regardless of the opinion of others. The only thorn in the side: the uncertain future of my son Rafferty. But I do not give up. I have already mobilized the local structures, sent requests for help in family and school procedures, to make his life less complicated as possible. the course of my existence, as well as everyday life with a child like mine, has never been a breeze, as they may have believed many outside. E 'was and still is un'arrancante uphill on a slippery ground. But the years of experience, of negativity, taught me a lot. I understand through my own falls, my moments of despair, tricks and strategies that help me to save energy, and wind power, in short, to "keep running", and always hoping that one day we will reach the summit. or go even higher up it. I think that you should never look back, to avoid dizziness, risk of tripping, falling, you must enjoy and be happy so, with what little has been achieved now. E 'key to proceed "roped in" to grow, take a walk with the others, the ones you are really close, that there are more and of which it is linked, will prevent you from letting go and falling down. Then stop for a moment, look around, always leads to a sharp rise in a place where the air is clean, where the bitter cold, blends with the warm, burning caress of the sun, creating a pleasant sensation on the skin. Often I'll also stay there stunned, shocked, shocked, by a beautiful and rare flower that will dawn on a steep cliff, with looks, or to follow the mad rush of a mountain goat, graceful, wild, free, safe on land landslide . And even lift his eyes to recall, the flight of an eagle, and charmed the watching circle with the powerful dark wings, so strong, powerful and huge lead even more by the high, than a human can aspire to go to rest. And then remains there, between the whisper of the wind, surrounded by the magic of silence, touch the cold waters of a lake, with only the tips of your shoes, then his ankles, then her knees, his chest, his throat. Finding that water is not cold, and would not be difficult to even get sucked into that swirl of current, rotten leaves. That rise, climbing, ramble, enjoy diving, it may be a warning? the warning of the imminent end? No, the will, the desire to resume the journey now vibrates stronger. Even stronger than the water that could drag on. The whisper of the wind in my hair, laq quiet accomplice and enveloping without even ... I realized one day I'm gonna think about the disturbing and irresistible charm of a climb, and there, clinging to a rock I will feel even more fortunate, the chosen one who received the grace and honor and the opportunity to experience a similar emotion. The excitement and also the gift of a child as special as my little big Raffa.

END.

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countless interrogations by psychiatrists and psychologists of the structure, which meticulously dug deep within us, to try to formulate a framework that was as clear as possible about the difficulties of Raffa. Even James provided input, compiled test and answered all the questions that were asked. Strangely, he put aside his superficiality and carelessness, and was proving very sorrowful, worried, anxious to give light to the facts. Do not ever contradict any of my statements, confirmed my version, even when this could backfire on him. Examinations, MRI, trial and to get to the point. So he knew of a bitter confirmation that my son was not a liar, a iperviziato, a child "ruined the family," but a being in need of help, support and understanding. The family, for those who may have deficits can not be the direct cause, the casus Bellis, of an illness such as bipolar disorder. Of course, consistency, non-contradiction, an iron fist and the velvet glove, they would certainly facilitated his search for models, but I, we did not have to feel guilty about it. For years I had lived, the terrible feeling that I was familiar with the situation and harm to Raphael, but the doctors ruled out. If anything, there was in him a strong frustration, a sense of inadequacy and self-collapse, which derived from the school failure, and its contrasted with others, that from us. There was advised not to divide the family, to try as far as we could be to try and find a meeting point. The separation according to the doctors did not represent the optimal solution. Raffa was in dire need of both parents, united and aware, ready to give support and comfort, ready to help him recover and to believe in himself. His fate, his future was now all in our hands, we were the ones that we could afford to fly, or lost, drifting wreck. We do not want this, no. I went to Genoa, and I knew that on my return there was the beginning of a path, a new path. First of all I had to throw it all away, uprooting, starting from my roots, what could be harmful to the fragile character of my son.
improperly person I helped, I knew I arrived with time, for autoconvincermi to be really unable to act in different situations. Aid would in fact always offered the problem of placing its usefulness. Here then check again the spectrum, the figure of my mother, the "savior" who had never posed the question of my actual needs, as worried and focused on herself, has always needed to "get credit" for I front of her, and in front of others. His offers of assistance in respect of my children had always been thus, the opportunity to enrich their personal, moral and social development, and the extent of his actions had always been referring to herself and not to others. To silence his feelings of guilt, to be loved and appreciated by putting in place his consciousness in the performance of good deeds to us, enabling it to be appropriate to its role as a grandmother-mother, or even find a reason to accept, I can not find convincing. But all at the expense of myself and especially Raffa. In fact, everything was hidden deceit deceitful, proceeding, however, carefully analyzing all the deception that had always brought to help itself emerged from the sudden change in their role. From "savior" to "persecutor." people first object of his care and attention silly and ineffective, suddenly became objects of accusations, humiliations heavy criticism angry .. The failure of "Good Samaritan" I became so our total ingratitude. A report neurotic, severely ill, insane, disturbed which I have made conscious. The only thing to do immediately in a case like this, in relation to the personality of a child already in itself suffers from a weakness of character, you become aware, after identifying the causes, reclaim their roles, and sneak away from This "triangular circle. This patient taught me a lot. confronted with as a team prepared to Calambrone, enriched me, giving me a greater awareness. I have a very clear picture now before me. I know have much to learn at first, many things to correct, to revise, reconstruct, in order to undertake an effective way "toward the sun." Set aside so the data without aids foundations, listen more to my, our common sense, without being influenced by the ever more commonplace, inconsistent and ambiguous eliminate the presence of those who had always given epithets unorthodox to me and my child, severely damaging. No, my family has in fact never realized that that attitude so oppositional and defiant, sometimes even violent Raffa, who almost made it increasingly difficult to manage, to lead to the parks, or just to the supermarket, it is not ever wanted, but something of which he himself As has become a slave to suffer terribly. Anyone who had not been able to focus all of this, he should at this point, unfortunately, be removed. Now I knew what to do: to allow my son to be thus free from the bondage from which it is oppressed for years, compromising his rehabilitation process and that offends her self esteem greatly.

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The journey was thankfully short, everything "went smoothly," fortunately we did not find even traffic. James spontaneamentela offered his willing cooperation, and I accepted it willingly. Luciano followed us, he would have stayed with their dad in a hotel not far from the hospital, and would be shared with him a few days before discharge, partly because my husband had to return to work. As soon as we came to the Foundation, we were greeted with great professionalism and courtesy. There was suddenly given a room furnished with two beds: one for me and one for Raffaele. It was like stepping into a hellish pit, I saw the suffering of children, relatives, the true devotion of mankind, at the mercy of the biggest problems of them. I met mothers exceptional women willing to do anything to help their creatures. And I was one of those mothers, mothers in the middle, in the eyes of society empty and insipid, but special admissions for those who can slip into our lives. Raffa received her second diagnosis after 11 days. Severe diagnosis, which was clear, that said it all. Bipolar mood disorder, conduct disorder, borderline personality organization trend. A grim outlook for the future of my poor son.

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"Mom I want to die!" "I'm not a slave to anything, why? Why was I born? All classmates tease me, nobody loves me mom!-Way repeated my Raffa, as he shook hands in the favor of the Communion of his companions, and I I would not be in my position, I would not be the one to answer dovergli. I reassured him by telling him that he would receive the sacrament as everyone else.'s hard to find In these cases, the right words, phrases in "Child." Regarding the attitude cronies instead of not listening I gave him, contradict him, partly because the teachers maintained that everything was fine. However, I realized that there was a strong discomfort, a sense of inadequacy and discomfort in him, so I decided to make contact with the team of Stella Maris, where he received the first diagnosis, and requested a new shelter for control problems, in preparation for the band I prepuberale.Il control was set tentatively for the end of August, and I accepted willingly, even at the cost of rental. Completed the fourth grade, my baby was promoted to the fifth, he would to be happy, however melancholy told me that he would rather be rejected. His mood was particularly dancer, sometimes Mutacita, other iperloquace, ranging from euphoria, to the exaltation of his own "I", the complete denial of it, the desire to not exist. We spent a happy summer. He attended summer camp with her brother, after which we left for camping, the sea. We had chosen a great place to put it mildly: Riva Trigoso, a beach resort a few miles from Genoa. The camping was wonderful, the trailer, equipped with every comfort. Meet new people, formed a fine company with whom we shared a pleasant evening with light-heartedness and fun. I was calm, relaxed, children playing or talking about with their new friends, under the watchful eyes and alert in all of us parents, we were in the building holiday. They were free, but at the same time never lost sight of. Luciano with his sunny disposition, made merry with us dancing in the evenings entertainment, and Raffa, he always felt very tired and asked to go to sleep. I do not ever tried to force, to compel him to do something she wanted, so I knew for sure that in a ten-day hospitalization in Pisa, in the right hands, would clarify the discrepancy. We returned home and a week later we were already moving. The journey of hope. "Small my love, "murmured the entrance of the highway," Hold on ... you'll see that we will succeed. "My heart was panting and twitching, while inspired in me and instilled courage." mom ... I make a withdrawal? - I asked-and I knew that there would have been just that.

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And so came the year 2009-2010. One year out of breath, a year of great changes and twists. Year during which I came to completion of the course I have undertaken some time ago. By now it was all clear, I shed light inside me, I gave due weight to everything and everyone. I knew for sure now, in light of the facts, who were the people with whom I wanted to really interact with, who deserve to stay and fight by my side. It was also the time when I learned to really look inward, to understand my mistakes, to question my actions, even those carried out in absolute good faith. This also helped me to understand people around me to watch my back by all, because I was beginning to realize that no one wants to look at the bottom is like. Until then I had given my friendship, my good faith, my feelings to anyone who had been part of my life, was now ready to throw open their eyes and not to trust just for receiving a smile in passing. The principle of the school year I was a big aid in this sense, if not all of its course. The parents of fellow Raffa, in first and second class, had shown friendly and supportive, as well as children who had allowed my small to fit within the group, so much so that he was happy to go to school, keep him at home , although ill, he was seen as a wrong, a real punishment. In the fourth changed everything, the genuine, little girls diventarà "suocerine" viperette in grass, ready to torment Raffaele, who reacted annoyed and ended up spending more on the side of the "black sheep". The mothers did not lose an opportunity to gather in groups and gossiping in one or the other, sometimes for criticizing or gossiping about the work of teachers, which made me mad. I ended up away from them, that nonstante had more faces of a cube, almost seemed to be the most popular, most mothers in the leg. While I, I curse, I was doing more hours of the alarm, I took care of everything, every task, ended up getting the most "cioffega", the most criticized. Raffaele she left school nervous, agitated, oppositional, if you took it with me and with his brother, that poor thing, try to work around, but he suffered a lot. Decline in motivation to learn, due to the lack of dear little mistress Sarah, who had tenure, and then sent to another institution. Decline in performance, why not stand in any case the ways of the new teacher, worsening of behavioral traits are most at risk, in short at the end of Raffa was a complete ruin. All stages of the progress achieved so far, gone, not quite but almost.

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This was also the year when both my boys had to approach the catechism in preparation for first communion. It was another ordeal for me. I could not manage everything related to time because of work commitments, at home and outside it that the burden delegai grandparents. I had not ever done! My mother, unfortunately as a result of the disease was magnified by his tendency to anxiety and panic attacks so I intervened father. This was totally destructive. The catechists and the parish priest of the Church had previously shown little sympathy for Raffa, did not lose ccasione to oust him from the lectures, with the excuse of "reward" for poor concentration, which lent one away from playing football. One day, after one of these episodes, it happened that he was dismissed along with another boy, the son of one of the catechists, and a classmate of Raffaele. The two boys began to argue heatedly, because of the priorities on the ball, and his grandfather interjected, looking at every way to bring home my son. The latter, he rebelled, wriggling from the grasp of my father and both fell to the ground. I dare not even say what happened next. The child was left alone, and my parents went back to my home very angry. I am mortified, saying that from that moment on, she would never dealt with the tasks that really is not for him, but to parents, I grew up not one child but a real "pet," the shame of his family . Immediately ran to the parish. Raphael alone might have run away, run over by a car, follow some ill-intentioned. I had shortness of breath and heart in my throat when I arrived. Luckily nothing serious happened or not irreparable, I found that playing just throwing the ball against the wall. Other parents, who were witnesses against their will the fact, told me that her grandfather had indeed exaggerated, showing very little indeed to be tolerant. I do not want to dwell on that he intended to offend the poor little poor that I looked like a beaten dog. I was forced to stop frequently, with great joy by the teachers of religion, which I never asked for explanations, nor tried to help me in such a way to reconcile one hour to both brothers in order that they could approach the sacrament as all their peers. The priest did not even hear, nor ever contacted me. I decided that such an environment would also have done without the presence of my puppies, and they were the first communion as a private, who does not they wanted and did not care about them certainly do not deserve them. I was obvious question at this very moment, what would become of me if I was a child I had the same full of character Raffa. I dared not even give me an answer, though in my heart I was already finding explanations, anorexia, bulimia, I wish to continue to desire to escape far away from them, by the way they act, think, do not face the difficulties, not able to accept children as an entity, an end in itself, with its desires, aspirations, and if we want, why not? Even with their quirks, and love them as they are, without imposing anything, without expecting anything grand, learning to gratify and welcome in the glory and mediocrity.

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however, could not make an effort, he had to learn a good determination of its forces, undergo routine checks quarterly, live a short life flat and very smooth. But it was something, at this point that, as they say in these cases, it could "tell". My life is moving ahead between work, home, children to follow with the tasks and school supplies. I swear that at night I felt really exhausted and I ended up always falling asleep on the couch watching TV. My husband, more and more indifferent and aloof, always spoke in first person, highlighting, his labors, his commitment, his concerns. But this was a classic, a classic which I had "made the call", so much so that I was not even there anymore. The things which made me furious with him, was the relationship he had with the money, and his shallowness, his way of appearing rather than being. The typical adult never grew up, suffering from Peter Pan syndrome. Sometimes I felt I was dealing with three children instead of two. On Saturday and Sunday were a tragedy. My "third son", demanded to leave, because, as he claimed, was his right, I am overwhelmed by household chores and the care of the duties of school children. It was already difficult for me to capture the concentration of both, who attended among other things, different classes, and he did not understand. Not only that, but when the children showed little motivation and willingness to work together, did everything to remove them even more, made comments out loud, so the boys, making strong approval of their dear daddy, became unmanageable. I was sweating seven shirts, not to mention the sweaters.

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I knew perfectly well that this was partly true, but I was also sure that all this was hidden behind something else. I wanted to see clearly, I needed to know, to open my horizons, to be really useful for my son. I consulted the best specialists in neuropsychiatry, most of them to pay. I walked for half of Italy, in search of truth. Seemed an unclear situation, the diagnostic point of view, there were many discrepancies, many facets, shadows still little defined. Suggested that I wait until the eleventh year of age, because the entrance to the pre-puberty, it would be easier to fit in the parameter Raffa right. He arrived in 2008. The second year of the intervention of my mother. More to the left kidney tumor. This time the stakes were very high, the poor risked dialysis. Communicated it to him the night before the operation, called me crying, telling me that he was now really over. I had a lump in my throat, but ricacciai. I was not to overthrow it even more, as could I? I encouraged her, telling her to be confident, after all, can not rain forever. The next day, I asked permission to go to work at the hospital. Outside, sitting in the waiting room I found my father. He looked like a helpless child, his eyes red and shiny, wrinkles, deep furrows on his face. For the first time in years I felt affection for him, I felt the urge to hug, embrace the father-master, who had made me suffer so much. I told myself that after the pardon was not a sign of weakness would have been to break the chains that imprisoned the essence of my soul and I dim the light. It was pure wisdom, pure spirituality and humanity, through this gesture I might find peace. My mother left the operating room after six long hours. The doctor said they had been able to save three quarters of the organ, and would have avoided a real ordeal. We pulled a sigh of relief. The rehabilitation was longer than the previous one, but within a few months he was able to get back on their feet and be quite self-sufficiency.

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I put it there for all davvero.Lottai with all my might to find an understanding with my husband, I did so with the determination that has always characterized, even at the cost of being less than those who were then my real views. Had dismissed the pride, presumption, but it was difficult, terribly difficult. He had created a deep chasm between us, almost a abyss that swallowed us, a chasm that separates us, sopiva our desires, the will to confront us. She was sure that I had never belonged to him, was a myth, a legend, a utopian vision of my being constantly in love with Love. Lacked the motivation That defendant that trigger our sincere desire to put in comparison. Even the rediscovery of our bodies after the devastation, because of distance, we revealed two strangers, two people who had never belonged, we wondered if we really were "flesh of the flesh." And then there are differences of opinion, its continued resume my position papers before the children, his digs. Luciano, suffered greatly from this constant tension. He had always been very calm and quiet u baby, he had always unconsciously assumed the role of elder brother, an uncomfortable role, which was not for it. With the entrance to the elementary school, reclmò his second place, and did it through two months of full-blown crisis of originality that manifested itself in school career, especially at the table. It showed surly, refused to eat, throwing objects against the teachers, who had internalized the whims and bad ways you can really achieve everything. Fortunately, thanks to a few psychological sessions went back and sat in the road proving to be a smart kid and a good pupil. Raffaele was making progress, and I was happy for that. But there was something strange about him, something sly and subtle, these continuous mood swings, that his sudden sadness alternating with exaltation of his person seemed almost manic. But chinque told me that everything had to be referred to the family situation unclear, the lack of producing a male model with which to identify his masculinity, the lack of reference points.

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"What do you want?" I answered when I phoned to let them know about children, and also because they asked me to call him because they wanted to talk to him. "I hate you, your nervousness, I want to live! I have a little more than forty years I have the right! So he repeated convinced you are right. "Your rights, my dear, are gone when you're putting two creatures in the world, and if you do not yet realize your duties started! It's about time you took note of the situation and decide to hire you your share of responsibility.'re hurting the children, to me, and maybe even to yourself, but what's worse is that you do not you realize! It was, as usual, my perennial and constant soliloquy so he refused to see and hear. Then the rapprochement. He came back, a cold Sunday morning, the doorbell rang, and when I went to open the front door I saw him impaled. Mortified, head down, as if he had not even dare to look into my eyes. I motioned him to enter, he stepped tentatively into the house. The children ran straight up, throwing her arms around him and shouting: "Daddy, Daddy you're back at last! Mom was right! You have concluded that job?" James looked at them in disbelief, then turned toward me, and I promptly with his eyes I motioned to keep quiet. Children should not suffer, do not pay the high price of the errors of the "large". The "large" are always so complicated, can not be understood by their little minds. In your opinion worth repeating Cla? " I asked my husband. "I think so .." I replied, though not at the bottom I was so sure. But there was Lucy, was Lele .. we were his parents, we took them we were conceived in love, and with the same love we had to take care of them, be around them. I wondered if a simple suitcase could hold all the past, a life, a tortured, a family ... No, not a suitcase could contain years together, the passion that there was among us. Of course, it was not easy to solve all our problems at once, misunderstandings, disappointments. But love, patience, perseverance, courage are a great force. They are the only true power of a mother, a woman, a wife, and I wanted to take the risk, the risk of giving us a second chance. In the end even when the outside appeared to be a liberated person, I was very attached to the values \u200b\u200band the sanctity of the indissoluble bond, did not want to lose everything, give a kick to what I built. I had many, too many things to do. First of all, save my son from a fate still uncertain, try to restore his life, as if to give birth a second time, who knows ... and then start putting together the pieces, the pieces of a love too great perhaps warmed and weakened by adversity of life.

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James tried unsuccessfully to contact the phone, but he did not answer, or perhaps, told me I could not hear the phone ring. "Leave him alone Claudia, continue with your work, your children grow up alone ..." I suggest everyone. I knew it was the right thing to do, I knew he was gone because he was close to daily life, why not find the courage to tackle the problems and difficulties that he refused because he could not be aware that sickness and discomforts of Raffa, contained a mature, sustained efforts and constant, a burden too heavy for the 'eternal boy who he was. He was showing a perfectly selfish father, husband, rooted in beliefs and ideals inculcategli by his mother, who had made him not a man but a spoiled child and capricious. He did not like me, but at this point even his own creatures, claimed that the responsibilities lie solely on my shoulders, so he is not never home during the day could not imagine how heavy it was doing everything, including the physical safety and mental Lucy. Saturday and Sunday, then, was always given the luxury of sleeping late, while I "beat" behind the faces of the children, demanding to see me happy and well as fresh un'aulentissima pink. But there was a chain, an invisible thread, the shadow of a love too strong, I tied inextricably to the man. A vicious circle from which I was not ready to leave, a maze that always leads me in his arms. My strong feeling, but a very constructive relationship, and our sick. Not I denied to myself that if he came back I would have given the second chance. And he in fact returned.

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"You have no patience, Claudia! I suck as a woman, do not need it! Go and killed!" So he shouted, and meanwhile collected his things into a suitcase. I stared at him with regret, regret, bitterness. I was standing there in front of him, scared, small, helpless, insecure, with self-esteem now under "shoes." He left without looking back, bringing with him his clothes, his personal effects, and I felt that now it was over, gone forever. Our streets, our destinies are shared here, so dismally. I did not know if it was my fault or his fault, to be honest I do not even know. Yes, because when you truly love someone, blame, any liability, not those do not count anymore. Look just a great agony, grief and an immense sense of emptiness. How to disappear into an abyss. I was stuck, destroyed, humiliated, copious tears coming down, I could not, I could not stop them. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my face, looking in vain for the appearance of the beautiful and charming girl who I was, but only the semblance of scogevo me, there were the remains of a faded beauty, faded from the evidence too hard to before which my life had wanted to ask me. He was gone. Vanished, ... and I ran away? Not me, I'm not me I could afford, and then not wanted. Why mothers never flee, never to face their responsibilities, even in the most terrible. Mothers are crying, are emptied, they cancel, stumble, then back to touch the bottom, they are there, there will always be. Clutching my kids to the heart, all that remained of a love too great a love "cursed" by chance. I stared at their naive and questioning, unable to understand why what was happening. "Mom, do not cry" .. my whispered Lucy. "Mom, Dad, where is he? Where did he go?" Raffa under investigation. With the death of the soul and I say: "' gone out, but only for a few days ... I will come back .. you'll see that return. And in the bottom of my essence I really hope that went well.

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My mother meanwhile was to visit the grandchildren only when James was at work, seeing the two of them had cut off all contact. Then with a thousand strategies, managed to draw closer and apologize to the son, who with due caution and the initial steps agreed to patch up relations with her. In those days I arrived the first proposals for collaboration. I agreed the most humble activity, and heavy and even humiliating. So I thought, at my age, after so many years of absence from my environment, who never would wanted to apply to me? To me that was not counted more than anything, I was not any more. When I checked all my hopes for an interesting job to do, called me to audition as a simultaneous translator. Stronger than my perfect English of my good French and German, as well as an excellent curriculum, much to my surprise I was hired for an indefinite period. Complete with a congratulatory handshake from the main part of my future. James was left shocked, stunned. My financial autonomy and frightened him with dismay. Of course now would be more difficult for him to crush his head like you do with a snake. A vigorous and strong character like mine would surely strengthened now and to keep him at bay would be a problem. But I still loved him, even though I told him no more in a long time, and I would do anything so my feelings were paid. He did not understand and never reacted by choosing a different path, and a bad day, "Enough!" shouted "Do not stand it anymore, now I'm leaving!" And while slamming the door he went on, James, my James, left so much pain and so cold in my heart.

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James, was nothing if not a person sacrificed, anchored to the precepts wrong, from which he did not want and did not have the tenacity to sneak out. Many preconceptions, stereotypes, all based solely on the trial and opinion of the people. Mero and pure false facade of respectability, which had more the appearance of that being. But what I had longed to be and to exist, and not vegetate, or expose myself to the opinions or the sentiments of the masses. Our disagreements and our differences of opinion were now focused on educational measures to be taken to our two children. I had attended two parent training, I was much more logical for policy and technology.
Implement the use of positive reinforcement or negative depending on the punishment or reward to bestow. He challenged me all this, considering it useless and ineffective, reproached me that I had "mounted the head." It fielded more on the side my mother, because what she claimed was coming much more to what had been inculcated in turn. They were basically very similar, I was the black sheep, the rebel, the one that went against the tide around.
subject to their constant criticism and proceeded to lecture my way.
Their romance and charm soon after it broke. There was a heated exchange between my mother and James, he said, of all colors, what's in front of children.
She went so far as to drive him from home without my knowledge. When after him a couple of days' absence he returned home, did not look in his face for several more months. On this occasion, my mother-in-law contacted me on the phone and I covered him with insults and injuries, but I have nothing to do, because at the time of the discussion I was not even at home. But as usual, she lost no opportunity to attack me or attack me by his son by laying blame and then make me look like the wife and mother, unworthy, inadequate, that his poor creature would never, ever have married. Meanwhile, my relationship with the school was more active, I worked hard, the teachers Raffa, were becoming aware of my abilities and skills, and were starting to give me appprezzarmi value. Cristina, he trusted me so much, to allow me to follow his own children to private English lessons. Two guys wake up, and well educated, with readiness and intellectual capacity, which allowed me to really bring out my level of knowledge in my field. All stimulated me, telling me that were not right that I continue to remain anonymous, that was the case iniazziassi really do anything for me, something I'm gratified, enhance. I suggest you go back to work. A mother contented and strong inside, would be beneficial to both the children and would be a good reference point and model for Raffa. Just palesai my intentions to my husband, he became a hyena. Does not accept that I could take any type of activity and therefore should spend time outside the "cage" from home. Among the other, in that same period, work had changed again, coming into contact with individuals who did not like me. Ambiguous figures, a little serious and concrete, I had the impression that inciting against me even more than they should. They do not appreciate the process of colleagues with whom he had to do, I often pointed out, never fails to point out to him his worst since they attended. He not only took into consideration my disapproval, but more and more away from me. We were now, light years away, practically on two different solar systems. A bit 'out of spite against him, a bit' to a real desire for independence and revenge began to write and send resumes intending to accept, to begin with the first job I had been proposed.

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Cristina Annalina, Sara and I, working seriously and we work hard, become practically a "one", so much so that within a few months had already seen the first tangible and concrete. And James? James had that role in all this? Well, he took care to accompany Raffaele serving pre-school in the morning, then went to work, and the rest of the burden was delegated to me. Rarely relate to the teachers, not even had much sympathy for them, because people who did not scruple to take a parent ritessero when appropriate, or to call things by their name. It was also realized, though I had not ever talked about openly, that there were tensions and unclear and conflicting situations between us, and he was annoyed that it perceives it and become aware. There was a period during which we slaughtered for real, I had it in him, he with me. By the time I realized that because of his attitude was not entirely his. It was just was not ready, was not ready to "take the leap," but what I was doing. Was still anchored in the values \u200b\u200band ideals which had been sent by his family of origin, ideals of submission, self-sacrifice of the female figure in favor of male chauvinism. The male had the power and benefits about everything, while the woman? she was born to suffer and endure. This had been inculcated by the despotic and oppressive mother figure, which represented the "true male of the house", manipulating and blackmailing the poor husband, who was forced, in order not to suffer his Vengeful, to accept the conditions that were strette.Rammento plots behind the poor victim, to show people that she was "the mother's heart, which kept the children and defended them even if it means clashing with her husband. But in reality things were not so, she beat some, but for one daughter and one son, the other did not exist for her, and admitted that they had problems, she had much to think about and could not help it. James indeed was not a bad soul, was a confused, disoriented. He had not yet focused on the facts. I admit the mistakes of my parents quietly, as he found it hard to recognize those of the other party, so he hurled against me in their favor. He too had been taught to raccontarsela, and believe it, maybe it was his defense against a truth that bothered him, bumped him.

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The year was 2006. Now I'm definitely feeling more calm and relieved, at least in terms of school integration. The early work of the tutors, they were hard, tiring and demanding, even if they, in truth, I did not weigh anything, confessed to me a few years later. There were incidents of detention and melee between the teacher and Raffa Annalina, the latter fought with the "tooth and nail" to be able to get the better of him. Beyond the diagnosis and the problems involved, there was a strong tendency to Raffaele challenge anyone to put a strain on patience and tolerance. It was an oppositional-defiant attitude, even amplified by the long stay out of his house, the contradictions in place against it since I was small, had led him to internalize anything that could be obtained simply "by whim." So now he understood perfectly that her grandmother would have shocked and terrified certainly capitulated to his dramatized the "Mario Merola. He learned to reason with the logic that everything can be achieved through blackmail, deception or underhanded addure pretexts. On the other hand had always been told lies, had been tricked, deceived. The job was so difficult and demanding. It was necessary to rebuild confidence in the whole adult world that until then had "mocked", he had been wounded, treated almost as if it were a parcel. I realized then that what his grandparents had called help, in reality was nothing but a sick system, developed only in terms of the comfortable of the "large". A vicious circle from which it was time to break free.

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Teacher Cristina Instead, she met her some time later. I saw the exit, that's for sure, I had spoken during a first interview, but we never had the opportunity to exchange many opinions. A beautiful lady Cristina. Beauty of a sober, composed, never showy, very fine, elegant, graceful and feminine. He gave me the impression of a tough and determined figure, very confident. I was struck by his way of thinking and talking, relaxing the tone of his voice, his eyes inquisitive and introspective, he had the overwhelming power of "laying bare the soul." How many secrets, things never told, secrets of which I was ashamed to admit even to myself, could to tear Cristina. Cristina, Cristina sweet, with his unique way of knowing how to put at ease the next, love and devotion to his work. And then his intelligence, his expertise in educational psychology, his precious advice. And then finally met Sara. Small tender Saretta! The youngest of three, our "young teacher from the red pen." Although still at the beginning of his career in primary school, already showed an innate inclination to this difficult and demanding profession, and outside, putting heart and soul and mind in everything he did or said. Our beautiful doll! Two highly mobile eyes, bottle green, loving, friendly, and sometimes a little accomplices who conquered all. But all! A real fairy. Raffa love it immediately, and established a deep bond with her, tender and sweet. A beautiful trio of fellow, who seemed born to work together and act together in unison, beating insistently for a common cause: the interests of children. Through their collaboration they knew of little to stimulate the emotions, and they did it by focusing on "team work and team." Their motto? Consistency always, whenever and wherever. Although still not much I knew I trusted them already. Now I was sure that my son was really safe and in good hands. Willingly accepted their suggestions and tried to put them into practice as best I could.

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school debut, which ended in a little happy, because Raffa had spent most of the year in the hospital, I was preparing to accompany him to what I hoped would mark the beginning of a regular cycle for its regular pupil. The first day of first grade, in fact should have been for him, the start of the second class, I knew that I, and he realized it too. But in the end beyond the misfortune that had hit us, what we really hoped and dreamed, was that it was finally accepted and integrated, which does not call me mid-morning to send it back home. He too felt lost, maybe even a little scared, probably feared comparison with what would have expected. After having delivered and entrusted to those who were her teachers, and that I did not have the slightest idea of \u200b\u200bwho and how they were, I took my leave and headed home. Here my mother came over me with her anxiety, which is certainly not helped me to calm my own, so much so that he insisted so much that they consented to return to school to control the situation. I was perfectly aware that I was not doing the right thing, was not the most orthodox way to present my "calling card" to the teachers, they could, knowing nothing of me, understand my gesture as a kind lack of trust in them ... But I really wanted to avoid discussing with her at that moment, so I walked slowly back toward the school. I knocked on the door of the hall and opened the door it was one of the professors in charge. That was the first time you interact with the teacher Annalina Brini. The first thing that struck me about this woman was the color of his eyes: green. Green, a lovely green, beautiful and deep breath-taking, cats, gifts, and at the same time very, very good and reassuring. Actually, the spot showed rightly upset and annoyed by my unusual position, but then he took me and confronted me in the hallway talking with a gentle and comforting tone. I went home and waited four ten o'clock. Never ever, the clock was slow! At the exit I was surprised to see the smiling face dell'insegante as I returned Raffaele. I went shy and afraid of what I have heard and asked in a whisper: "Excuse me .. but that's sure he's okay?" She smiled, with that open smile and radiant Annalina belongs only to me and said, "Of course, all is well, do not worry ... we make it succeed ... is we're doing .."

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I had much too much to rebuild, to forget. Forget all the bad that I was done and that I had allowed me to do. It was time to make everyone understand that I intended to take possession of my life and decide on its own for my son. I risked a lot, too. The stakes were just too high, health Raffaele was more important than anyone else's opinion. It also takes me to crazy or visionary. At this point I was really happy to be considered abnormal in iterating that I had found itself oppose. I was now fully aware of the fact that there was no good hoping to make inroads in the heart of someone outside my anger, my sorrow, so why would anyone heard my message, my call for help. Because sometimes, and it is true, there is no better deaf or blind as those who refuse to cooperate, listen and see. The feelings of the people can not be bought, nor you beg and I do not think I could spend the rest of my life trying to conquer anyone I show that I was near them apart. I could cancel up to this point. If my husband did not love me, patience! I was fine with a clear conscience, because I had really loved, married for true love and sincere, for he had given up anything, but I regret nothing, because everything was the result of a choice that I made with my heart .

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Thus began the ascent of two beings destroyed in the hearts and souls: Raphael and me. And you know the wounds with the inmost are the most difficult to treat. I appeared, haggard and drained. I had "holes" on alopecia Cuio hair due to stress, hard life, the tedium boredom to feel unnecessary losses. I saw the ugly physical and moral, my mind had atrophied as I had stored all those who were my interests, the real motives of my reality. My biggest mistake, because now I could even focus on my mistakes, had my permit the other to crush me, I had been manipulated like a puppet. Being a mom-and employee-employee husband, had made me a ghost at the mercy of the insults and humiliations of all. And then I loved myself too little and too much emphasis to the other, and their scrutiny. I had always asked for opinions and advice to the wrong people, including mine, who not only understood me, but I was criticized and even in front of my children, making me lose prestige and credibility. In those days there was another violent quarrel with James: I threw up against him unique words and insults, I slammed in my face again the fact that his mother had reason to despise. To my surprise now, I realized that his words were derogatory not hurting me anymore. I felt that I did not care what her mother as well as others think of me, and I had not even going to do anything to get their due. Who does not understand me and would not strive to do at this point did not deserve me, let alone my son. I did not want anyone to impose slip into my being sick, I just wanted to make it alone, especially wanted to remove those who could not nor could have been persuaded of my reasons or choices. My health and my strength were worth much more than what others think, I did not want neither pity nor their endorsement. Too many phone calls to give explanations on the right and left, when in fact, "which was written that I had to justify or to explain?" Justified by whom? And for what? To be a human being perhaps? A human being that too much love in pain may also stumble or fall? At present the most important thing was off the ground, stand up and fight. And like a boxer who, after countless climb-downs desperately grabs the barrier of the ring and returns to face his opponent, so I grabbed her forcefully by the fence of my trouble, ready to return the sticks if need be.

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In this context, I learned a lot. I also learned that sometimes it is the continual distazione of us adults to children, day after day to create conditions that enhance their own ability to listen, reflect, be careful. The lives we lead, leads us in fact, to have always in a hurry, think of having to do everything at once, just like me, who sometimes believe they can tell my anguished life in an hour. Many of us parents, especially us mothers, we can be attacked and affected by performance anxiety, handed down from our mothers pass on to children, we would like to perfect, and instead are like this, as they are, with lora character, their history, their location, their impulsiveness . I realized that this was primarily a problem of mine, linked to my social "rudeness" as to when and to the needs of my child. Its activities were more divided than I really exposed him to the risk of becoming even more careless, but the concentration was good that was achieved. First, I had to make the little initiative and determination in his own business without too much interference. In this case, the specific drugs not served, served only to listen carefully re-education. Sometimes the drugs, especially those not suitable to the case, can cause irreparable damage, or states of agitation without precedent. And now I realized that this was part of what had happened to my Raffa. These were the years of my depth and careful study, my study "mad and desperate." I had, I wanted to learn, know how to really be his help. Only through knowledge, I would be able to trace, to break my chains and see the light. The light of wisdom and the right way to act. As a parent I try to create time and space on and dedicated to thoughts and emotions of my baby, trying to get in touch with his world, his feelings, his way of thinking and responding to certain situations, to try to guess how to defend it. Obvious that the family situation, articulate, filled with some ongoing conflicts, the changes in lifestyle, he had created in him a great suffering. Suffering that should not be underestimated. Raffa six years, had not found a way to get out of if, if not turning into anger, unrest and turmoil, all the confusion he felt. The inability to establish an ongoing relationship and satisfaction with a male figure, with his father, resulting in heavy air you breathe at home, the arguments for existence entirely fragmented and contradictory, had created in his torment, moral distress, killing of the already low self-esteem. He had an enormous thirst for be approved, welcome, reassured. So to "hear his voice, his cry of despair, refused to be a" good boy ". It was his challenge: the challenge to the school, family, society, to see if it was approved for what it was. Its primary need was not to identify with a child who had "something wrong", on the contrary had an extreme need to be guided when wrong, without being humiliated or subjected to comparisons or comparisons, so it disappeared from his thought the idea of \u200b\u200bworthlessness, of being bad, an impediment for adutlti. When a boy begins to outline the idea of \u200b\u200bbeing a mistake, an evil, a being uncomfortable, as it is captivating to him, unless we show them that it is not, will do everything to become real. That was my main task and specific: Raffaele help you to discover new solutions, to let him know that he was acting this way because it was harmful or not suitable, which was often emphasized and inculcated by their grandparents, but only because he suffered and was a bit 'angry. Only the medicine of confidence, consistency, restoration of communication, would allow Raffa to begin to understand and manage pious plan, their emotions, their movements of the soul. The journey was long, tortuous no doubt, but together we could make it. This puppy, who had already knocked on the doors of countless doctors and hospitals in Italy, was now known that at school, as well as at home, could there be a time and a place where he could be free to speak, outside himself and the evil within her, her frustrations. Free to learn to manage his moods and combat, as he said those were the "bad dragon" that made him so rude and unmanageable.

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Raffaele suffered greatly from the disease and the consequent removal from his grandmother. On the other hand had interacted and lived together for a long time. Hardly adapting to life with me at his house, which actually now do not even perceive it as such. The brother was seen by him as an intruder, a small intrusive asserting itself in its games and solitary appropriated its things. He and I, despite being mother and son were almost strangers, challenged me, provoked me often not internalized orders and rules that tried desperately to give him. I felt defeated, I thought that I would not have ever done to regain his confidence, his love, his respect. How could I explain to a child even six years that I had deserted him? thing I knew, I felt that he thought I did. Until something happened.
"Madam, this child is to institutionalize, I believe that given his situation,
This benefits you and the rest of the family. "" also consider the fact that his mother's health is seriously compromised ... all alone as he will? "This statement hard and sharp, came from one who professed to be, and was considered an authoritative medical, and scholars of child neuropsychiatry at the Institute G. Gaslini in Genoa. I had gone from her confident, I thought it was the best person to enlighten me, and instead no, rushed into the deepest despair. Him. ... Raffa in my school ... but how could I? I could not even imagine how it could be possible to implement a similar solution. as if the children were "things" and as if we had the right to decide whether to keep or store them, hide them, to satisfy our selfishness, or the simple need to hide the company someone who "came not just good," just because a different, distant from the cliche. Needless to say, this suggestion was quickly shelved by me, in fact I was actually shocked, not even taken into account. My mother, given his condition, was almost a perfect solution: in this way I would only deal with Luciano, Raffa was in good hands, you are free from commitments and burdens too heavy, and peace would be so returned. But I had two kids! And this was part of reality. Discovered in this chance that the real joy, not only had to love "u healthy child", but rather to give me the opportunity to love and take care of my children equally as diverse. And learn in a natural way to relate with them, to deal with them. Before this happen daunting episode, I had always lived with the terrible fear of force myself, I knew that all I have contradicted or pointed the finger at, because by now I was left confined to a secondary role of semi-mom. But now I was qualified to Raffa world. He was giving me the key to being able to finally find the courage to explode. Although on this occasion no one understood anything, I picked up what was left of my courage and my pride and finally decide to me and for me. I decided it was time to look ahead, and I would have come forward now, in spite of everything and everyone. I was sure that my son was in love for himself, for others, and the world, which was founded with its merits and its flaws. I knew that he loved, and amva even people who, when watching him, put his thoughts into action "over the top", look the other way, shaking his head. He also loved to be able to decide who assumed that many of their rights and their needs would not even have existed. Yes, he loved. Just more than all those who thought they were perfect and scholars, could really do. We now we really have something in common, a base from which to find ourselves: a dream. Our dream. To be able to share a project, a smile. A true smile that could light up every day.

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remember the time when she entered the operating room, the tears of my father, I smoked too many cigarettes during the six hours of waiting and then finally the response. The tumor was not one, but two, and then a little later than six months unless complications should be operated again to remove the second abnormal mass, which was on the right kidney. Was discharged after ten days, appeared pale and debilitated in body and terribly fragile. I did not see in her now more than oppressive figure that crushed me and wanted me to forge at all costs in his own image and likeness. In front of me was a small woman and in need of help. He stood in a corner of quiet and thoughtful, he spoke in a faint voice and made it hard to move. One month after his speech Raffa was again admitted to the department of neuropsychiatry Gaslini hospital in Genoa. This time the proceedings were acts of violence and self-directed. An ordeal that lasted a month, then at the end to stay on the formula issued by the Stella Maris Foundation. He was prescribed an antipsychotic, which would have at least contain the outbursts of anger and extreme vehemence and euforia.Un term "black". Darker than the rest of my troubled life.